#4 Having a baby is a big deal

So you’ve had your baby and you’ve made it home safely, pat yourself on the back. That’s a big deal! You literally just released a human life into the world that your body spent 10 months perfectly crafting into what is now your baby and that is an incredible thing. Unfortunately your work is not yet done you now have to figure out how to care for your baby and assist them in  figuring out how to be a person and this my friend is no small task. Whether you are breastfeeding or bottle feeding both have their pros and cons. Breastfeeding is easier in the sense that it’s always there but is definitely more difficult those first couple week whereas bottle feeding is easier because it takes some of the pressure off of you to produce properly and you can pass off feedings to other people and possibly get some sleep. I chose to breastfeed and was fortunate enough to not have any issues with production or latch which is great since it’s something I really wanted to be able to do. That being said for the first several weeks I was feeding every two to three hours, somedays every hour as she figured out an eating schedule and my body leveled out in supply. So I was awake often just to feed if nothing else which kept me pretty sleep deprived. Aside from that you have a ton of hormonal changes creating a super fun roller coaster of emotions. As I said in my last post I experienced the “baby blues” which is different from postpartum depression. The baby blues is where you cry all the time because of everything happening to your body and I did cry all the time for no reason. It was a little annoying to be honest it’s like when you can’t control your emotions because of your period but way more intense. It’s hard being someone’s everything, and this is different then falling in love and you tell them “you’re my everything“  because you literally are this babies everything. You are the food supply, the comforter, the one who helps them sleep you are their creator, their life force, protector, source of love, and so much more and it’s a lot of pressure but it’s also very draining at first. You’ve never given so much of yourself to one person or thing until now and it can be very overwhelming. At first I felt like I no longer owned myself and in a sense you don’t you’ve chosen to dedicate your life and currently your body to this new person and that scared me as if I’d never be myself again. Then there’s the flip side of that where I became very jealous and controlling over my baby. I couldn’t get enough of her which I feel is kinda fair to feel this way I mean you’d did just spend all this time making a person it’s only fair to get to cherish and admire them, they are yours and no one else’s and even if people pressure you or make snide comments just remember that this is your baby and you don’t have to share any more then you want to. I felt very pressured in the beginning to allow everyone to visit as soon as they wanted and I wish I hadn’t. It made me feel very overwhelmed, but also made me feel like no one cared about my feelings like everyone only cared to see my baby regardless if I was ready or not and that was very difficult for me. I truly thought people would have been more understanding especially the other moms in my life but most weren’t and I don’t think it’s intentional I just think people forget what it’s like those first couple of weeks and are just so excited for this new baby they don’t stop to think of how that’s affecting you. So I felt like I had been put on the back burner and I was ok with that for myself like I was ok with not putting myself first to care for her but I had thought other people would have still wanted my best interest and I’m not saying no one cared about me or helped me out I’m just saying my expectation or people was very different then what I experienced and that created some disappointment for me. I also think I felt like I was deprived of that bonding time in the very beginning, it’s hard enough being a new mom then you throw in the energy and task of having visitors it was emotionally draining in a time that is so rare and special. You will never get this time back so stand strong in what you want for you and your family, it can feel awkward and you might offend some people but you’ll be happy to have that time just as you wanted it to be. I’m very very lucky to have an involved, supportive, extremely loving husband and that made the world of a difference. Going into it I think it’s really important that your significant other has your back, so when your sad or upset or don’t wanna deal with people because you’re so exhausted that you have someone to speak on your behalf. Now not everyone feels this way, I have several friends that felt super lonely afterwards and I think that can be in a couple different ways. I think you can be actually alone, like your husband goes back to work and you have few friends and family if any wanting to visit and be around to keep you company and that could be very challenging. Then there’s the other kind of lonely, where there’s a ton of people but you feel alone in your experience like everyone’s there but no one understands. Being in a different place in life then your friends and family has its own challenges as well, learning to adjust my lifestyle I’m sure is kinda hard for my friends as well. I’m not as available, obviously I’m not partying or staying up late or even having more then half a glass of wine everyone once in awhile and I’m sure that change is weird for them too. It creates distance whether you like it or not and I know as she gets a little bigger we will have more freedom to spend with friends and to go out but for the time being my life revolves around her and let’s be honest it probably always will. Being a new mom has so many different aspects to it and every experience is different. You are going to feel differently then your girlfriend will and you’ll heal at a different rate and your baby will develop in its own ways but no experience is wrong so try and cherish yours for what it is and everything will happen in its own time. Like I said you just brought a human into the world with your body, be proud of that and be kind to yourself your deserve the world.