#10 Beware of FOMO
Beware of FOMO
A friend put it into a diff perspective for me the other day, that after having a baby you experience a bit of mourning of your life pre baby, and I had never thought of it like that. Having a baby is an incredible, miraculous thing but it is definitely an adjustment and changes your life. I think the most drastic change is the very beginning. When they are little they are solely dependent on you and if your breastfeeding they are dependent on your body as well and that changes the way you live for a little while, sometimes creating what’s called FOMO aka fear of missing out. It seems silly, and maybe stupid but it happens and for some people it’s a hard adjustment.
I remember the first time I saw all my girlfriends out together on Instagram. I was irrationally upset and in all reality hurt, it was stupid but I felt left out and a little forgotten. Keep in mind we were probably 3-4 weeks postpartum at the time, there was no way I was going out and I knew that and I knew that they knew that. They weren’t trying to be mean or not include me, they knew I just had a baby and my first at that, they were being respectful of my space and rational of what I was available to do at the time. But regardless of all of that it hit a little hard that I was no longer in that stage of life. Instead I’m sitting on the couch with my boob out trying to learn how to breastfeed a screaming baby after not sleeping all night and that’s fine, it’s apart of the process and that part doesn’t last forever but in that moment I was really missing my pre baby life and that was hard to swallow.
Sometimes I would drive home from work and a good song would come on and I’d think “oh we should go out tonight” jokes on you, we weren’t going anywhere but home and I was a little crushed by that. Silly? Yes. Stupid? Probably. But it’s how I felt at the time and for a split second (maybe two) I had a moment of desiring freedom to be selfish and do whatever I wanted. I’ve spent the last 28 years doing what I wanted, and in all honesty I think the longer you wait to have kids the harder that adjustment is. I think people who have kids really young didn’t truly experience independence therefore they don’t miss it. Ignorance is bliss right? Im so thankful for all the years my husband and I had together prior to our sweet baby girl and I wouldn’t change it for the world but I do think it makes for a more challenging transition of independence to being attached all the time. Now don’t think I don’t LOVE being a mom, I’m literally obsessed with her it’s ridiculous, I cry looking at her, for reals I’ve been making her wear pants that are too small because I didn’t want to accept that she had grown enough to wear the next size up. It’s ridiculous how much I love her, I don’t want leave for work in the morning because her precious smile captures my every being and it’s beautiful. I love what we have and I love her but I’m also allowed to miss my life before too. I don’t think they are mutually exclusive and I think a lot of women are embarrassed or ashamed to say they miss their life before like somehow that means they don’t love their child enough and it doesn’t mean that at all. It’s just part of the adjustment. Your starting down a new path and a new life that’s ever changing. It takes time to forge a new path, hurt and soreness can come with that, using new muscles makes them sore until they’ve become built up and strong again, in time I won’t miss those moments as much but I’m not going to deprive myself the experience of emotions because it may not be the image people want to see.
I know someday it will be so far in the past none of it will matter and soon it will turn into “remember when she used to be small”, “remember when she rolled for the first time” or “took her first steps” or first words... I know my life is filled with so much more joy and love then it was before I don’t regret any of it. I think it’s all just apart of the process and I believe that ignoring my feelings is prob the worst thing to do and you may totally disagree with me or maybe you experienced none of this and that’s totally fine but maybe you can relate and have been to afraid to be honest with yourself or with others in fear of being shamed. So I’m here to tell you it’s ok. It’s ok to miss who you were but love who you are, it’s ok to want to go out for drinks but also be home to snuggle your baby, it’s ok to miss your body before but love your body now, it’s ok miss your alone time but to never want to be alone, it’s ok to be you but to be your new self as a mom. It’s ok to be honest about this amazing challenging journey that is becoming a mother and still love every second of it.