#13 Let’s talk about sex
Hope you’re ready to get personal. Sex is such a sensitive subject after having a baby you have no idea what to expect and just like everything else with a baby everyone is different. I can’t express that enough, each and everyone one of us is an individual person so why wouldn’t your baby be just as unique or even more so why wouldn’t your labor and postpartum be. So keep that in mind as you go through your journey and as you read mine.
I think we had sex for the first time maybe 8ish weeks after she was born? I honestly don’t remember exactly but it was somewhere around there. I was terrified like would cry when I thought about us being intimate for a multitude of reasons but mainly because I was scared my body wouldn’t be what it once was and that he wouldn’t find me attractive anymore but also the physical aspect of how uncomfortable it might be. Of course my husband still finds me attractive he says even more now then before, and keep in mind my husband caught my baby he was front and center for the whole thing and that made him love me more so don’t think that watching is gonna change anything. If he’s cool with it you should be too. But we are our worst critic and that was hard to get over at first. I’m not gonna lie it was a little uncomfortable. So they say on average, remember my opening statement here, that you can start having sex around 6 weeks if you feel comfortable. We waited a little longer then that and I was still healing by that time but felt ready, things were uncomfortable at first but worth it! As my midwife said, use protection and lots of lube, I recommend both because you don’t want to get pregnant ( ever heard of Irish twins) and well, you know what lube does. So take it easy, don’t pressure yourself, I promise your husband will survive and if he loves you as much as he says he does he will give you all the time you need.
Couple things to keep in mind, your boobs make milk now. Your milk production is brought on by the hormone called oxytocin, it’s the love hormone meaning you will also produce that anytime you’re aroused. So that means when you are intimate, assuming you’re enjoying it, you’ll probably also start to produce milk and leak or spray! So maybe keep a towel near by and forewarn your partner or don’t and laugh your butt off when it happens, either way now you at least know. Another thing is your lack of estrogen. Immediately after having a baby your body is lower in estrogen then before and will probably remain that way until you stop breastfeeding. There’s a lot of things estrogen affects but a big one is your libido and body’s sexual function, it plays a big role in your sex life after a baby and you may not feel as up for it as you used to and that’s totally normal and more then ok. You should level out some after a couple months and even more so when you stop breastfeeding, it all takes time and the hormone fluctuations don’t stop just because your baby is out of your belly. Remember, 9 months in 9 months out.
So if that’s not enough, you then have real life of being exhausted because you never sleep anymore and when you have the chance to sleep you’re definitely going to take it. There’s a little human attached to you all the time breastfeeding or not. You’re trying to maintain your household to some level so you don’t drown in filth and if you’re a working mom you’ll be spending your “free time” working. For a lot of people those things make having a sex life challenging, but you’re not alone and it’s not for forever. It’s such a weird transition to go from having all the time in the world to be together to not having a second to pee. So your sex life may get put on the back burner for a minute and that’s ok. Though I do believe a healthy sex life is very important to your relationship, take this time to learn how to love each other in other ways, ever heard of the 5 love languages? It’s an awesome short book I recommend to everyone but it shows you there’s more ways to show love then just sexually. Now you may be completely opposite of this and that’s awesome. I asked a bunch of women what their postpartum sex life was like and it varied all over the place. Some people were goin for it right away and didn’t skip a beat others had sex like once every couple of months and then there are all the people in between. For us I’d say it’s less then either of us would prefer but we know it’s just a stage of life right now and in the grand scheme of things it’s such a short time of our lives, we’re gonna blink and she will be the one with a baby. So I try not to worry about it or make it a thing. We will find our grove in good time and so will you. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else’s situation and don’t pressure yourself if it’s not happening as much as you’d like right now. Try and enjoy things for what they are and know you’re not alone. People don’t like to talk about it but your sex life changes just like everything else in your life after a baby but it’s only temporary and totally worth it.